Your mom Googled me

Yours Truly: “She reads Bill O’Reilly for Kids with her 13 year old daughter!”
The Beau Named Joe: “I’d rather be skull-fucked.”

I swear he’s not vulgar. That’s what makes that comment particularly hilarious.

I’ve been getting some really awesome Google searches on my blog. Almost every day, someone wants to know something about Mandy Moore’s hair. Quite a few people want to know if you can bake cookies on a George Foreman grill (yes, but only the super fantastic George Foreman grill with interchangeable plates). But here are my favorite searches:
>> “I like sex with shit.” Okay, friend, I don’t think you found what you were looking for on this blog. I hope not, at least.
>> “sexy ladies in southern indiana” Sorry to burst your bubble, but there’s no such thing. I’m from northern Indiana. BIG difference.
>> “what should i wear to the mall of america in january?” Um, clothes, preferably.
>> “samantha brown daily show” I think you mean Samantha Bee, dumbass.
>> “where in minnesota can i get an awesome short woman’s haircut?” Is this a haircut for short women or a short haircut for women? Either way, I don’t know.
>> “titanic the musical notre dame” I hope whoever searched that and found me wasn’t a parent of a cast member… That would be an awkward convo: “Did you sled down the stairs at the cast party, too, son? Were you INEBRIATED?”
>> “defies all semblance of reality” Damn straight I do. Well, I like to THINK I live in a fantasy world.
>> “funny stuff to discuss on the radio during lunch time” My life. This blog. Ladies from southern Indiana who defy all semblance of reality by having sex with shit at the Mall of America in January.