Meditation
I struggle constantly for authenticity in my life. I believe I can achieve it. I ache for an authentic equality in my relationship, an authentic sexuality, authentic hungers, authentic spirituality, and a personal authentic style. I strive to be true to myself, authentic at my core, not just unique in vanity. I yearn for what is best for me, for my life, at this very moment.
I need to do what is best by my own standards. I don’t need to be the best. I don’t need to carry everyone else’s weight on my own shoulders. I don’t need unnecessary burdens. I need my health, I need the love in my heart, I need support.
I need authenticity.
I have not been true to myself. I have not put myself first. I have been selfless, which is different than unselfish. I have not even counted my self as a being. I must take a step back. I must struggle to find my authentic voice once again. I must purge jealousy and guilt in order to see myself as an equal player once again.
I will find my voice. I will reclaim my voice. I will use my voice. I will relax. I will speak up. I will not be cut-throat. I will love. I will relax. I will not let myself stress. I will be true. I will speak truth. I will relax. I will take what I need and give what I can. I will ask for help. I will ask questions. I will relax. I will find beauty. I will seek honesty. I will rejuvenate. I will focus on my own authentic needs. And I will relax.
Belle Renee 
And do I ever hope you find it. I think we could all use a little realism and commendable (sorry for the pompous word) goals like these to strive for.
That is a beautiful post. I hope you find peace. One of my favorite quotes is “To thine ownself be true,” I even have a bracelet that is inscribed with it.
You are me a few years ago. I can’t tell you how things will turn out for you, but I can say that if you stay true to what you said here you WILL be all right.
I know how you feel. I think it simply comes with passion and life.
girl, i hope so much you find what you’re after. lifes rough, especially at the age we’re at… xoxo
You will find these. I think we all go through a period of time like this and once you’ve reached your goal, you can look back and smile at the journey you’ve taken.
This is a beautiful post, Renee.
I loved this post.
It’s so real and so honest.
Caring about the important stuff is what matters. Take care of yourself. 🙂
I am with you 100% …you’ll find it …it comes and goes with me…but I always know when I find it ….and those times seem to be lasting a bit longer than they used to.
I love your blog layout! The colors and background …fabulous!
This was a beautiful post Renee.
You need this. Especially now, since you’ve been running yourself tired.
Beautiful post, and I hope you find it soon 🙂
Hope everythings going well!
I read this when you posted it the other day and totally forgot to comment. And it was a riveting and interesting comment that I’ve since totally and lamely forgotten.
But I will say this: you and me, girl, you and me. I’m also striving for that authenticity, and for the passion and drive and discipline to do what I need to, when I need to, and to hopefully enjoy myself along the way.
I agree. You’re going through lots of changes right now but I have a feeling you’ll come out on top 🙂