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the day I felt like homer simpson

May 29, 2009

Let’s talk about today. Today was a cesspool of SUCK. We’ve been having a staff retreat all week (which is why I’ve been MIA from the internet) and today was the last official day. I got to sleep in which was the only decent thing that happened. It was downhill from there… snowballing downhill.

I had stayed Tuesday night at a coworker’s house so I could be close to the office since we were going to have crazy hours during the staff retreat. However, yesterday I decided I just wanted to sleep in my own bed with my boy and my cat, so I just left without all my stuff still at her house. That meant I didn’t have a toothbrush or deodorant or makeup. I picked up a toothbrush, toothpaste, bottle of water, and cheapo deodorant on my 70 mile trek. I brushed my teeth in my car. I am the epitome of a class act.

I drove an hour and a half to meet the rest of the staff at a nuclear facility (true freaking story) where we were slated to tour it. At the security checkpoint (which was insanely thorough!) the security guard told me my tire was going flat. Fabulous. I noticed a gas station down the road and decided to fill it on my way back to the office. The nuclear tour was actually pretty awesome, but hard hats and I don’t agree. Even though I look hot as hellllll in a hard hat, it just wouldn’t stay on my head. It may or may not have fallen off while I was been scanned for radiation. Embarrassing. After the very cool tour, I headed to the gas station only to discover a SCREW in my tire. Not a nail. No, you’d expect a nail. A SCREW facing the WRONG way. The head had gotten lodged in my tire and the screwy part was sticking out. What the hell?
Here’s a little secret – my dad sells tires nationally so I’m never THAT nervous when something happens to my car. I know, no matter where I am, he has a client somewhere close. And guess what – he has a client three miles from my office. I got my tire patched quickly and had to head back to the remainder of the staff retreat. Bummer.

Finally, I drove out of my way to pick up my crap from my coworker’s house only to find that her cleaning lady has done SOMETHING with the towel I brought from home. D’oh. Oh well, we have more than one towel and it’ll surface eventually. I know where she works.

However, the best part of the day? Probably my phone dying with a flat tire. Probably the best thing ever.

So here I am, HOME, with my boy and my cat. Exactly where I need to be. I might be standing on the brink of a freakin’ nervous breakdown but on the other side of this precipice is a silver lining in the shape of Las freakin’ Vegas.

And can we just clear something up? I don’t own anything scandalous to wear in Vegas. I’m not out to impress anyone. Instead, I will be the school marm in loafers. (Almost. I own flip flops.) My self confidence just isn’t high enough to rock a sleevless shirt and/or skirt above my knees. But seriously, for those of you going to Vegas, can you promise not to judge me and my Old Navy/Target ensembles? And will you promise to still hang out with me even though I might look like your grammar school librarian? K, thanks.

PS Homer Simpson works at a nuclear plant in Illinois. Love it.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. May 29, 2009 2:58 am

    I’ll bring my Target loafers if you bring your Old Navy ensembles. =)

    It’s going to be fun, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be in flats!

  2. May 29, 2009 3:04 am

    Ugh. Car repairs or breaks of any kind always sort of ruin my mood. Thankfully you got it all fixed up!

    And although I’m not going to Vegas, rest assured if I WAS? I would be with you rocking the marm outfits. I’m a school teacher afterall, so it should go without saying I’ve got a closet filled with unscandalous clothes and $7 wal-mart shoes.

    And yes, I’m fully aware that ‘unscandalous’ isn’t a word. But I vote it should be.

    Also? (hi! longest comment ever!) I hope you have a better day tomorrow lovely. Hooray for the weekend!

  3. May 29, 2009 3:31 am

    I can’t wait to hear about Vegas. Have a great weekend!

  4. May 29, 2009 3:38 am

    Oh man that doesn’t sound like a very good day. My car is at the shop having all four tires replaced. Why? I got a nail in one tire and the guy says I need all of them replaced.

    If I make it to Vegas we’ll have to hang out.

  5. May 29, 2009 3:52 am

    I’m terrified of flat tires. Sounds like you handled it pretty well. I would have just been crying. haha

    My day consisted of me driving 5 hours home from Ohio (I drove there 5 hours the day before) to take my grandma to see her dying sister. I got home, turned on my computer, and heard the clicking of DEATH. Yes, that’s right. My hard drive is dead. Also, because I am brilliant, I haven’t backed anything up in a year. I’m such a great RCC, at least I could diagnose it, although that is little conciliation.

  6. May 29, 2009 1:46 pm

    Oh my goodness, that’s just…isn’t there a Suck quota that once you get to a certain point it has to find someone else to torment??

    Vegas is my silver lining too, I am in pretty much desperate need of it right now! I’m looking forward to lounging by the pool, drinks and lots of laughing. I will not be killing myself in fancy shoes or be uncomfortable at *any* time lol

    Same page. Don’t worry = )

  7. June 1, 2009 12:36 am

    Darling, all my clothes come from Old Navy and Target. I have one shirt that I will probably be too embarrassed to actually wear in public. You definitely won’t be the only marm there. Plus, I have no desire to gamble or get ridiculously plastered, so I’m not really sure how well I’ll fit in in Vegas!

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