one stitch at a time
I stand on a precipice.
I struggle to keep my balance.
I open myself, I open myself
One stitch at a time.
I’m excited and terrified at the same time. I took a job at a coffee shop so I could go back to school. They offered it today and I accepted it right away. I know it will be a pay cut. I know I’ll lose my benefits. I know we have a wedding in 37 days. I know we have a car that’s on the fritz. I know we have a lease that needs to be renewed or not. But I’ve been so unhappy and I needed a change.
I’m the girl who does what it is she needs to do. I’ve honed my skills when it comes to identifying what’s best for ME. I was tired of sitting in a dead-end job with nothing to show for it but a somewhat comfortable pay check and a bruised ego. I know nothing is simple and I recognize that this might not be the big ol’ Bandaid I want it to be.
But it’s a step in the right direction.
I’ll be giving my two weeks’ notice officially on Monday. I told my boss today and she cried. My coworkers were all upset. I feel like I’m abandoning them all. I’m leaving them behind not only to deal with the crap but to pick up the pieces I’ll have left behind. It breaks my heart knowing they’ll still be navigating the sludge that is our office. But I’ve been waiting for something to creep over my radar screen to give me the excuse to leave. Having my soul crushed day in and day out is not my cup of tea and the friendships I’ve forged with my coworkers are not going to go away because I’m moving on. That I know.
That said, hellooooo new exciting life!! Right now the plan is to work full time at this coffee shop (which happens to be down the street from Joe’s office!) and go to school part time for my teaching certificate. Eventually I will be certified to teach high school social studies!! I never thought I’d be so excited to go back to school and to go back to school in order to teach HIGH SCHOOL. I fucking hated high school, but you better believe I’m going to volunteer to chaperone prom!
So that’s that. I’m terrified I won’t like my job or that we won’t be able to make ends meet but the truth is… it’s gotta be better than what we have now. Even if we can’t swing some of the small luxuries, that’s only a small price to pay for actually ENJOYING living and breathing. I feel like I’m working towards a purpose now, not just for a pay check, not just for bragging rights.
Now it’s not about feeling important; it’s about feeling fulfilled. The difference between the two is miles long.