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one stitch at a time

July 3, 2009

I stand on a precipice.
I struggle to keep my balance.
I open myself, I open myself
One stitch at a time.

I’m excited and terrified at the same time.  I took a job at a coffee shop so I could go back to school. They offered it today and I accepted it right away. I know it will be a pay cut. I know I’ll lose my benefits. I know we have a wedding in 37 days. I know we have a car that’s on the fritz. I know we have a lease that needs to be renewed or not. But I’ve been so unhappy and I needed a change.

I’m the girl who does what it is she needs to do. I’ve honed my skills when it comes to identifying what’s best for ME. I was tired of sitting in a dead-end job with nothing to show for it but a somewhat comfortable pay check and a bruised ego. I know nothing is simple and I recognize that this might not be the big ol’ Bandaid I want it to be.

But it’s a step in the right direction.

I’ll be giving my two weeks’ notice officially on Monday. I told my boss today and she cried. My coworkers were all upset. I feel like I’m abandoning them all. I’m leaving them behind not only to deal with the crap but to pick up the pieces I’ll have left behind. It breaks my heart knowing they’ll still be navigating the sludge that is our office. But I’ve been waiting for something to creep over my radar screen to give me the excuse to leave.  Having my soul crushed day in and day out is not my cup  of tea and the friendships I’ve forged with my coworkers are not going to go away because I’m moving on. That I know.

That said, hellooooo new exciting life!! Right now the plan is to work full time at this coffee shop (which happens to be down the street from Joe’s office!) and go to school part time for my teaching certificate. Eventually I will be certified to teach high school social studies!! I never thought I’d be so excited to go back to school and to go back to school in order to teach HIGH SCHOOL. I fucking hated high school, but you better believe I’m going to volunteer to chaperone prom!

So that’s that. I’m terrified I won’t like my job or that we won’t be able to make ends meet but the truth is… it’s gotta be better than what we have now. Even if we can’t swing some of the small luxuries, that’s only a small price to pay for actually ENJOYING living and breathing. I feel like I’m working towards a purpose now, not just for a pay check, not just for bragging rights.

Now it’s not about feeling important; it’s about feeling fulfilled. The difference between the two is miles long.

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18 Comments leave one →
  1. July 3, 2009 1:06 am

    Congrats Renee! This post makes me so happy for you. You deserve this. Everyone deserves to be happy and pursuing this new path is incredible. Good luck! Here’s to fun new adventures!

  2. July 3, 2009 1:09 am

    You guys are young enough now that you can make these massive changes. It’s better to do it now before you have a house or kids. Besides, now I get free coffee.

    GIVE ME FREE COFFEE!!!

  3. July 3, 2009 2:10 am

    Congratulations!!! It’s a huge step and you are amazing to take it. Doing what you love is what matters and it seems like you’re following your heart and dreams. You are brave and smart and I think everyone is proud of you!!! I quit my job last tear to do nanny and school and it’s the best decision I made!

  4. July 3, 2009 2:59 am

    Congrats! Being happy is always the best option. I see you as being an AWESOME high school teacher.

  5. July 3, 2009 3:30 am

    I’m very excited for you! I’m glad your doing what makes you happy, Renee. You’re awesome and totally deserve it!

  6. July 3, 2009 4:03 am

    Woohoo! I knew you’d get the job, and I’m so excited for you!!! When it comes to personal feelings like this, I always figure we owe it to ourselves to set things up so that we can be happy. When there’s a level of contentment present that wasn’t there before, it’s easily worth it. Yay Renee!!!

  7. July 3, 2009 4:10 am

    Congrats on the new job Renee! So happy to hear you are making yourself happy. Let me know how it is going in the coffee world.

  8. July 3, 2009 12:02 pm

    Congrats Renee! I know that you feel bad about leaving your coworkers behind, but you are smart in that you have identified that is about YOU. You need to do what makes you happy as you go through life. Well, okay, and maybe Joe 😉

    Good luck with school!

  9. July 3, 2009 1:27 pm

    Yes yes yes!! Can I run to you and just hug you and buy you drinks??

    Renee – you are so brave. This is absolutely amazing! I’m so happy that you’re stepping away from something that is sucking energy and happiness from you and towards something that will be fun and energize you. Working in a coffee shop is brilliant – you’re face to face with people who are happy to be there. It makes such a difference.

    You would totally make high school fun, congratulations!!

  10. July 3, 2009 11:33 pm

    I’m so happy for you. Good luck on your journey.

  11. July 5, 2009 5:35 pm

    Woo hoo! I’m so proud of you! Quitting your job is such a scary thing to do. I quit my first job after about 2 months. I cried. It was horrible….and it was absolutely the right thing to do!

    Where is your coffee shop?

  12. July 6, 2009 1:43 am

    Congrats on the new job, saw it on Twitter and wanted to say congrats. Very well deserved and I’m so glad things are working out!!!

  13. July 6, 2009 1:10 pm

    Don’t you adore being young and unburdened with children and a mortgage? Ha.

    I’m excited beyond words for you, my dear Renee! Happiness is important. I think generations before us like to think that we’re “wishy washy” because we take several jobs, and tend to move on when we’re not happy.

    I think they’re just jealous they didn’t think of it.

  14. July 6, 2009 3:25 pm

    more proof that we are meant to be friends… I also want to teach high school social studies/government. How crazy is that!?

    I am so incredibly excited for you and your changes. It will all work out swimmingly. I’m sure a few changes will be in order, but you’ll be great and I know it =)

  15. July 6, 2009 5:41 pm

    congratulations miss. the changes sound absolutely incredible – just like you.
    happiness > money. and eventually, the money will come.
    you’ve made such an awesome, brave choice. again, congrats!

  16. July 7, 2009 3:02 pm

    This is exactly what you have to do – STAY POSITIVE and throw all the negativity away. Thinking negative won’t help anyone or the situation you guys are in. Congrats on the new full-time job, regardless if it’s at a coffee shop. You have a full-time job and that’s all that should matter (remember, there are others out there with no jobs and wish they could get any job at this point).

    One day, everything will change for you guys. One day. In the mean time, keep your head up, make the best of what you got, and try not to worry/stress too much ♥

  17. July 12, 2009 6:12 pm

    HOORAY! Reading this gives me so much hope that I, too, will find something that will allow me to move on from the station I am stuck at currently. I’ve been hearing some whispers of job opportunities, and you better believe I’m applying for them.

    Keep it up, chica! Only a few short days until you’re done with that environment!

  18. July 29, 2009 6:48 pm

    Hi, me again. I am very quickly becoming excited about your blog.

    So…I am very curious about your soul-crushing job (I have one too), and your decisions to quit and pursue teaching (I was planning on it!). I want to learn more.

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