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Lei era un’anima rotta

February 12, 2010

I was 12. My parents were divorcing. I put on my favorite Doc Marten knock-offs and headed into the field behind my house to find… something. To find peace, maybe, some kind of solace for my heart. Or to run from fear.

It had rained and the field was muddy. I walked in circles and started to cry. I cried a lot during those years. There was so much change that equated to so much sadness. The mud was sticking to my shoes. And then I was stuck.

My tears grew into sobs and my sobs turned to cries for help. I called for my mom to help me. I probably could have gotten out of the mud, but I wanted real help. I didn’t want her to rescue me from the mud; I wanted her to rescue me from the hurt.

Over a decade later, I still feel like the little girl stuck in the mud sometimes. Only now I don’t wander so far from my fear. Now I walk out to the field and yell, “Show me what you got.”

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. February 12, 2010 9:09 am

    Beautiful post Renee. I know that feeling. I’m glad that this time though, you have the strength and courage to face your fears head on.

  2. February 12, 2010 9:54 am

    Powerful post.
    Somedays as a grown woman, after I’ve tried to deal with the hurt & the fears I wish someone would come and rescue me from it. Other days I’d like to think I’m as bad ass as you 🙂

  3. February 12, 2010 11:37 am

    What a gorgeous post…

  4. February 12, 2010 11:49 am

    What a beautiful, moving post. Thank you for sharing that with us. You are a strong, wonderful woman!

  5. February 13, 2010 1:05 am

    I hear you with this one. I feel like this myself sometimes.

  6. February 13, 2010 2:55 am

    🙂

    Totally smiled after I read this. Good for you, dude.

    xoxo

  7. February 13, 2010 4:48 pm

    So simple, so brief, but so poignant and expressive. Beautiful.

  8. February 14, 2010 2:41 am

    Getting out of the mud is hard. This is beautiful, and you’re so strong.

  9. February 14, 2010 10:15 pm

    Gorgeous post girl. I was 11 when my split, I can relate a lot. Big hugs.

  10. February 15, 2010 5:45 pm

    You know, sometimes I definitely still need to call my mom for help.

  11. February 19, 2010 1:49 pm

    So simple, yet so beautifully written and incredibly powerful.

  12. March 1, 2010 6:19 pm

    This post made me feel weepy and encouraged all at the same time. I kind of wish that I was able to face things with more bravery, though. I don’t remember the last time I didn’t prefer to be rescued, you know? Ah, well. Something to work on, I guess…

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